i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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