Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize