i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
