nut hugger
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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