Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize