Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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