Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
