I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
