Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
