I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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