She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
