We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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