What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She told me I should be a condom model.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
