i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
