When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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