so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize