he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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