My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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