I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
