I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
