i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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