it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A+ Viking dick
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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