Michael Bay diarrhea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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