the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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