God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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