sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
