He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
