not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
