Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
