normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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