I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
