it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
