Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
