It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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