Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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