I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am mentally ready for anal.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
