U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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