ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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