when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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