I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
