i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
