Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
