just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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