we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
