How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
