Why are handjobs necessary in class?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
