You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
