He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
