I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
