Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
