He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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