ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize