There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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