She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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