So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize