So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
