This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
