If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
