Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
