Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
