So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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