Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize