Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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