I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
