We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
