I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
