His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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