this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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