I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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