bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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