I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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