Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize