You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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